


A sense of belonging

by Sleepawaysora



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, tokyo ghoul re - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, Experiments, Master/Pet, Ownership, Submissive, sedatives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-04-25 11:29:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4958908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepawaysora/pseuds/Sleepawaysora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasaki has been struggling with his past, he doesn't know whether he belongs as an investigator or a ghoul. He wants to belong. The CCG has their dog trained, but if he acts up, he can be put down. Based after Chapter 46.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't written a fanfiction in years. Cosplay has been my main source of fanservice but it's easier to write than to film a cmv. For now here's a mess. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

It was late at night at the quinx living quarters. Shirazu and Urie were arguing over a mission they intended to go on together but we're adamant about who had the correct leads. Mutsuki retired for the evening after having trouble with training prior to prepare for the Rose extermination mission. Saiko was preoccupied with her game, fighting sleep. 

Sasaki was in his room. His thoughts were racing, he focused on what Akira said "Names are..." But it didn't protect him from who his past self was. He enjoyed living at the chateau his squad were his family. But there was an emptiness ever since he became a ghoul investigator. A part of him knew this wasn't his place. He was grateful for the support he had from Akira and Arima, but he just didn't feel right. He wanted to look more into the eyepatch ghouls history. He craved the information. Was it wrong for him to want to know? He got the feeling Akira wasn't pleased by his sudden interest in the eyepatch ghoul. All he wanted was to be reassured that his place in the CCG was appropriate for him, because if not why would he be there? What was his past self like? Was he happy? Did he belong? His sense of belonging has withered. 

Earlier that evening Arima Kishou was going over files containing the Tsukiyama's extermination mission regarding Koori being in charge. Koori hit his cigarette "I am not acting entitled to my position or anything, but I believe I'll have this under control don't you think?" Arima responds with a smirk, and Koori waits impatiently for Arima to suggest methods on his operation. However there is a knock on the door to the office. Arima is greeted by Akira who asks Arima for a moment of his time. 

They leave the room. Akira hardly containing her knowledge on Haise's previous break down, begins speaking "Haise is beginning to slip up. I find that he will only worsen. Perhaps it's time to let him go. He is not progressing, everyone else can see that he is a ticking time bomb and he is less valuable as time goes on." Arima glares at Akira "You are aware I don't invest my time into something that proves no use to me. What has Haise done, elaborate special class Akira" he says with bitterness. Akira explains how Haise was going through records of the eyepatch ghoul. And how she did her best to sympathize and embrace Haise as he cried. 

Akira paused for a moment before saying "I know you say he craves a mother figure Arima, but do you understand that you have authorized and incorporated emotional support to this boy? Who is not only a dangerous ghoul but has knowledge of any records he can get his hands on if need be? He doesn't know his place, yes he is a mentor for the quinx but he is not one of them. I am not telling you what to do Arima, but I hope you take what I say into consideration. Don't let him get too comfortable, he is not entirely human." 

Arima responds with no emotion in his words "I shall see if he is losing himself. I appreciate your concern. But I will deal with this, if Haise needs reminded what he is good for, I will remind him. He is nothing but a tool Akira. And if he breaks he can be thrown away. But I am not giving up on something I know I can control."


	2. Encounter to remember

Chapter 2

Tsukiyama Shu stood helplessly on top of the building his family's jet had been shot down. Escaping hasn't been much of an option at this point but it didn't scare him, if he had to face Kaneki the way he is now, he wouldn't hold back. He knew that his only chance was to fight. It's a fucking joke he thought, to have gone so far just to be taken down by the doves. Those bastards had already had his father in custody, Kanou was held back, Matsumae was too. Was he really the last one to be cornered? Why was this happening? Why was the CCG so hell bent on destroying all that mattered to him. He felt betrayed by Haise, did he sell him out? His infatuation with Kaneki has been stolen away by this puppet of the CCG. 

Haise and the Q's had him cornered, gourmet. Haise saw the anguish and despair that had become of Tsukiyama, the ghoul he had just befriended recently to find answers from his past. Haise did not feel torn by his decision to face Tsukiyama. He had his team behind him, the ones that matter to him. Taking Tsukiyama down were direct orders, any conflicts Haise found pouring into his mind were blocked by his obligations. 

They were ready to fight, Tsukiyama had his kakuju prepared to consume, he would not go down by the doves and he certainly wouldn't go down by a group of half ghoul brats whose loyalty lie with the humans.

Surrounding Tsukiyama had been easy, he was weakened and had no control of his movements. His use of his kakuju slowly deteriorated by each hit of Haise's quinque. Tsukiyama was fading, he never thought this would be his ending, watching someone he once cherished, once stood in support of battle, was using a quinque against him. Although he was only half ghoul Tsukiyama wondered what the fuck happened to Kaneki to bring out this trader was anteiku next?

The rest of the investigators made it to the top, RC suppressants aimed for Tsukiyama. Tsukiyama glared with hateful eyes amongst everyone. His glare then faced Haise who was anticipating his next move. Tsukiyama spoke with what energy he had left. He wanted to express his pain, his defeat had become, venom was in his words. "You really have lost yourself huh Kaneki Ken" Haise's eyes widened in disbelief. Why would Tsukiyama bring up that name....after all he proved that that wasn't who he was anymore...as if he could find himself again.

Why Tsukiyama?


	3. The girl he couldn't forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have to incorporate her, into Haise's story. I plan on having her play an interesting role. But heres the after math of chapter 2. Haise's guilt tripped and Akira enjoys fucking with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhh, really want to do something with Haise trying to discover his past and share feelings openly, Arima will catch on and have to chain up his dog if he keeps running after a rabbit.

It was over, the doves mission was not any easy one. They had lost many investigators to the ghouls but it wasn't in vein. Everything played out the way it was supposed too. Back at the CCG everyone was celebrating their accomplishment. Ui Koori approached Haise who had kept quiet from the end of the battle. Haise hope no one noticed he had been shaking. "Although you knew not to use your kakuja by fighting as a ghoul, you really proved yourself as an investigator."

Haise acknowledged Ui by nodding his head. All Haise wanted ever since the mission ended was to go back to his room. But he also knew the Q's the deserved to be recognized and praised for their hard work. But Haise had began to hear that voice again, and he couldn't shut him out. 

"To live in a world as a human and a ghoul, to be accepted by both..., your not capable fighting both sides....you chose which side...Haise, don't forget.....don't forget what you just pulled, don't forget me..." Haise began to tremble, and felt a tap on his shoulder. He was startled. Arima had been standing right next to him. "You've done well Haise." Instinctively Haise smiled through his clenched teeth. "Thank you Arima san" Akira stood at the far end of the room. She held her suspicion, her eyes were glued to the secluded Haise. She knew everyone noticed Haise was struggling. But was it her place to point it out? She walked over to Haise, and smiled "Tsukiyama Shu will spend his life in the choclea, he will probably be exterminated soon. You've really outdone yourself Haise." Haise cleared his throat "I had to protect my team...th-they matter most." Akira sneered "Haise, you don't have to make excuses, your team had always been safe.Their superiors make sure of that" She tilted her head and smirked. Haise curled his fists, he dug his nails deep in his palms. 

Akira could see the pained, desperate look on Haise's face. She almost felt guilty but she was enjoying his uncertainty. She knew Haise was going to break, and it was clear by the way his eyes shook. He wasn't valuable; she convinced herself. He was just a ghoul, who had been trained as an investigator. But he wasn't special, her subordinates are more qualified and dignified to be investigators, this boy was not. Everyone was dismissed after the celebration. The Q's returned to the chateau. Haise finally reached his room only, to have no choice but to listen to "him" "You were brought in, introduced, taught, and lived amongst ghouls. 

They took care of you, this doesn't bother you? Now it's easy to let them all go? You can let them go? Touka chan, Hinami, Nishiki, think Haise....who is next on the list. You won't to accept me, but you can't accept yourself....who you are now?....who are you?" 

Haise was panicked by his thoughts, until he heard a knock on his door. It was Mutsuki, he apologized for interrupting. "Are you okay Haise? You seem troubled. I didn't want to bother you or anything but you really deserve some appreciation. You've done so good by us, and I hope I can be as strong as you are in the future." Haise was surprised that Mutsuki held some interest in his attitude from earlier that evening, but he then winced "was it that noticeable?" Mutsuki sighed "I don't know what's troubling you, but you know we are all here for you." Haise cleared his throat "Good work, tonight Mutsuki I'm going to get some rest" Mutsuki nodded "Good night Sasan" He knew he couldn't go to bed, he can't control his thoughts even as he reaches unconsciousness.Haise felt that he could use some air. He waited for everyone to go to sleep, and he left. He began to feel guilt, had he really forsaken the others, the ones from his past? There was someone he wanted to see, the beautiful girl who had made him feel his previous life was not that lonely. Because she was always there. He couldn't stop himself even after seeing the "closed sign" he knocks on the door, the coffee shop was lit up inside. Haise peered through the window to see her. _The girl he couldn't forget._


	4. Don't forget me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise and Touka have a lot to discover about each other.

There she was sweeping, minding her own. She looked concerned. She set the broom next to the counter. She rested her elbow and picked up a cup. She stared blankly. 

Haise hadn't realized how long he had been knocking. He watched as she stood up and moved the curtain from the door. Her eyes widened for a moment. She felt torn, every ghoul knew about the fate of the Tsukiyama family. And it was because of Haise's team, and subordinates. However her hand trembled and she opened the door. 

"If your wondering if we are open, the sign says closed" Touka said as politely as possible. Haise stared at the sign, then back at her. Touka scrunched her nose. Haise looked defeated. He began to speak but she caught him off. "Come in."

Haise was distracted by her eyes, her hair, her smell. She was just so elegant. He knew she was a ghoul and probably a dangerous one at that. If he had to restrain her if the situation didn't turn out successful he would. But she didn't seem alerted or threatened. 

Touka sat at a table, and invited Haise to join her. Haise sat down. He cracked his knuckles nervously. 

"What do you want?" 

Haise words slipped "you smell as sweet as the coffee you make." He then realized that he just said that. Impulsively, as if his persona he has now is a little more confident then usual. 

Touka raised an eyebrow "are you serious right now?" She muttered. Haise bit his lip "I don't know, I'm lost..." Touka reverted her eyes to the window avoiding his face. "Your hair looks ridiculous." 

Haise began to itch his chin "I didn't think it looked that bad." Touka rolled her eyes, "is this really what you want to do? Don't you have investigating to do, ghouls to punish?"

Haise frowned "I do what I am told, but I don't want to be wrong either. I am in charge of someone who says I was once their older brother, she is very sweet. I really would like to know if maybe he belonged." 

Touka stammered "I don't think you would belong, he did but you are not him. At least anymore." Haise started at his feet, trying to find out what to say. 

"But he talks to me,he is still fighting to be here. He won't let me be me. He doesn't want to be forgotten." 

Touka stammered "You have to be who you are now. Because if not you wouldn't be alive. What are you trying to accomplish, you can't be him. And you should not be here. Besides, I don't know if anyone could trust you. I don't know if I even trust you." 

Haise's lip quivered he hadn't shown anyone his vulnerable state, other than the time he first woke up not knowing anything or having any control over himself. 

Haise crossed his arms, trying to hold him self tight. He hadn't realized his kagune was showing. He could feel himself stir inside. He shook "Please, don't let him go, if he mattered to you." 

Touka grimaced "You think revealing yourself to me is threatening?" Haise shook his head "No, No...." He stood up, standing over her, he gently wraps his hands tightly over her torso. Touka stiffened "what are-" Haise begins to cry "I can't live like I have been...I feel so alone... part of me...is questioning....every move I make...." 

Touka relaxed after feeling him this close, that protective idiot, the one who made so many promises to only fail, she wanted to cry. But she did not want to weaken. Haise is not Kaneki. "You have much to prove Haise." She felt her arms around him, and pulled away. "I have work to do, I assume you do too." 

Haise stared at her, his heart was racing, she felt so Familiar. He didn't notice he hadn't let go of her hand. He squeezes it tight and places her hand on his chest. Touka could feel his heart beat. "I haven't felt this way in a long time" Touka looked up at him. "Stop crying." Haise blushed, "he misses you." 

Haise had apologized after interrupting her work. Before he left he told her he would be back.


	5. Negative reinforcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arima has some training to do, his pet is acting up.

Chapter 5

Haise woke up the next day feeling less overwhelmed. He yawned and wiped his tired tears from his cheeks. He started to go through his books to find something to get his mind off of Tsukiyama. He didn't want to betray him, he had hoped he could have rights over him. After his capture Haise planned to discuss those matters with Arima. But first he needed to relax but that didn't last long. 

"Sasan, Arima is here." He heard Shirazu call out. Haise sighed looking at his current appearance, he forgot to change into his sleep wear. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned, his tie was untied. His hair was messy, and he couldn't find a brush. It was odd Arima came to visit the chateau because it was intended to be the Q's day off, but Haise knew he wouldn't get the luxury of that. "There goes me seeing her" he thought.

Haise greeted Arima with a smug smile. "Hello Arima San, what brings you here?" Arima profiles Haise, and grimaces "Late night huh?" Mutsuki glances at Haise in confusion. "I didn't think it was that late when you went to bed." Arima started at the door it was noticeable he was ready to leave. But not without Haise. After a moment of awkward silence, Haise muttered "goodbye." He followed Arima out.

Arima waited to speak to Haise until they got into his car. Haise became paranoid about how Arima noticed it was a late night. He hoped it was just his appearance that through Arima off. Haise broke the silence "So how is the interrogation going with Tsukiyama, has he been informative?" Arima frowns "I don't believe he will be kept alive much longer. The investigators haven't had anything successful come out of him." Haise chewed his bottom lip. This was bad news, he felt his stomach turn. Arima grimaced "This shouldn't concern you Haise, lately I've noticed you've become distant. It's also evident that you didn't get much sleep, and from Mutsuki's reaction meaning you probably weren't home all night. Where did you go?" Haise itched his chin "I wanted to checked out this new bookstore." Arima nodded "I see." 

Haise certainly hated when Arima would question him. He also knew Arima wasn't buying it. The two investigators arrived at the CCG. Haise followed Arima into his office. Arima began to go through some files. One of which had "eyepatch" stamped on the front. Haise shifted uncomfortably. Arima slapped the file violently on his desk and glared at Haise. "I am really bothered by this Haise, why do you think eyepatch is something you should research?" Haise cringed "I apologize, I didn't think anything of it." Arima furrowed his brow "I don't have time to question what value you are to me." 

It has been a long time since Arima reminded Haise that he owns him. Haise cracked his fingers nervously "I won't make the same mistake again." Arima grimaces "You're not going to have a choice. I am not going to worry about the decisions you're going to make. I am very close to stripping you of your privileges." Haise stared at the ground, he was speechless. Why was this happening to him? Why did Arima even notice that file was even touched? Arima didn't wait for a response because his patience had run thin, too thin to let the silence continue. Arima stood up "You will be staying with me for the next few weeks, I believe I have some debriefing to do with you. You will not discuss any of this with your team, I will talk to them."

Haise's eyes widened, he didn't want to stay with Arima. He enjoyed his freedom at the chateau. He also didn't want to miss any chances to see her again. He'd have to find time where Arima wouldn't notice his existence which up until now hasn't been a problem. Haise sighed "understood." Arima shifted his eyes to the door. Haise became hopeful that this horrible session would finally end. But he knew he shouldn't be optimistic, because the door opened and there stood Dr. Chigyou the CCG's head ghoul researcher. Arima motioned for him to take a seat next to Haise. Dr. Chigyou looked pleased and Haise became confused. "Chigyou, you've met Haise." Chigyou nodded "he was quite the subject." Arima watched Haise's grey eyes widened."Haise needs to be sedated at night, and I'm thinking about starting him on a new dosage of RC suppressants. When he is not on a mission he shouldn't be cognitive." Chigyou smirked "This is interesting, of course I will need Haise to accompany me to my lab." Haise cringed "Wait Arima do you think this is necessary? I-I just thought you knew you could trust me, I'll behave." Haise knew he sounded defensive and desperate. Arima stared at Haise, he showed no remorse. "We will go now."

The research lab was just as disgusting as Haise remembered, the smell of antiseptic nauseated him. There were too many machines buzzing, and surgery tables all disorganized. Arima almost tripped over a chord to one of the machines. Haise couldn't bring himself to chuckle. Dr. Chigyou led Arima and Haise to a private examination room. There was a medicine cabinet filled with drugs including RC suppressants. Then there was a counter that held syringes, tubes, and surgical supplies. Haise stopped in his tracks at the sight of the horrible room, it brought too many unwanted memories. Arima pushed him forward "walk". As much as Haise wanted to turn and run his legs wouldn't budge. He was trembling, Arima became frustrated and kicked him across the room. Haise laid on the floor holding his arms. Arima glared at him. "Get up." Haise obeyed and Chigyou pointed to the table, like almost all surgical tables there were restraints. 

Haise led himself to the table and sat dreading what would happen next. "Good ghoul. Now what we have here..." He begins going through supplies. Haise mentally blocked out the conversation that the doctor and Arima were having. Arima slowly became uninterested in Chigyou's list of experimental concoctions. 

He interrupts "I would like to higher his dosage on the suppressants but I'd like to see how your sedatives work." Chigyou became excited and began to explain all the types of sedatives he has, and what ghouls respond best with. He also mentioned the higher the RC cells, the higher the dosage of the sedative. "Would you like him to be stable enough to speak clearly on the sedative or would you want him completely subdued?" Arima glared at Haise "I want him to be lethargic." 

Haise stared at Arima wide eyed "I have work I have to do in regards of maintaining my teams safety. I also was going to work on the next mission. How am I going to get anything done with being useless?" Haise's voice began to shake in frustration. Chigyou smirked "We will test a few sedatives if you have the time Arima, and see how stable he is." Arima nodded his head "I would like this to be quick." Chigyou turned around and grabbed a few syringes. Haise began to panic he did not want to lose control over himself. "Wait. Arima we have to do this now?" 

Arima gestured for Chigyou to continue. "I'll need his arm, he is not going to struggle is he?" Arima stepped forward to the shaking half ghoul. Haise felt small, he looked up waiting for Arima to answer for him. Arima shook his head "He knows his place." Haise looked over his shoulder as the doctor lifted up his arm and rolled up his sleeve. Chigyou beveled up and injected Haise with one of the doctor's favorite sedatives. Arima had hoped there wouldn't be too many trial and error. It ended up being in Arima's favor as they watched Haise go from trembling to relaxed, to unresponsive.


	6. Timeless day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise adapting to his current situation as he is under Arima's supervision

Chapter 6

After leaving The lab division, Arima escorted the subdued Haise to his car. Haise hung onto Arima's arm trying to balance himself to the best of his ability. He glances at Arima who was holding onto his shoulders pushing him forward, he suddenly got distracted by his surroundings and how fast everything was moving. He stumbles Arima catches him, and carries him to his car. He gently puts him in the passenger seat. 

Arima began to drive Haise back to his apartment. Haise slurred "where are we going now?" Arima focuses on his current demeanor, he needed to observe this state of Haise. Arima hesitates "To my apartment where I'll be dropping you off and gathering your things from the chateau." Haise tilted his head groggily "I have books that I wanted to read." Arima shrugs "you can worry about that later." Haise rested his head on the car door. He begins curling up and unstraps his seat belt.He dazed off. Arima opened the car door and Haise fell onto the ground. How did they end up here? Haise wondered as he gathered himself up. "Where are we right now?" Arima sighed "We are at my apartment."

Haise bit his lip staring at Arima helplessly he couldn't walk on his own, and if they were at Arima's apartment there would be no way he could get past the stairs. Arima grabs Haise and begins to carry him. Haise lays down when they reach the living room. He's completely ataxic at this point. He stares at the ceiling and turns his head to Arima who grabs his keys to get ready. Haise mutters "where are you going?" Arima turns around. He pauses and then takes a seat on the other side of the couch. He supposed he'd watch Haise to see if he's capable of decision making. But from the looks of it, he noticed Haise was definitely not stable enough. 

"What are you planning to do when I leave?"

Haise muttered "Leave?" 

"Yes, I have work to do, what books would you like me to bring for you." 

"Wait can I come along."

"that defeats the purpose of me dropping you off."

"Oh." 

"You'll be okay by yourself won't you?"

"By myself?" Haise stared at Arima confused.

Arima shook his head, he was done entertaining him. Obviously Haise did not understand his situation. The sedative worked, Haise is probably close to falling asleep. 

After gathering Haise's things and questionable choice of books Arima stops by his office. He runs into Ui Koori. 

"Why are you here so late?" Ui noticed Arima had left work early. Arima must have lost track of time because his day seemed so long.

"I had matters to deal with."

"Haise?"

Arima nodded.

Ui grimaced "he comes in cycles, I wouldn't worry about it." 

"I have him on daily sedatives now. He is also staying with me for a little while. I believe he is beginning to take advantage of his freedom."

"Was all this trouble worth it?"

"Haise has had many quinque's made from his kagune. Chigyou developed the quinx they are talented, and valuable. Haise has all the potential to become an exceptional investigator. I am not exactly worried about him being troublesome. But I do know I am not going to let him fail me."

Ui snickers "you've always been determined Kishou."

 

Haise wakes up. He had the worst headache. He begins to stretch as he sits up. He still felt drugged, he tried to collect his thoughts but to his dismay he began to feel drowsy. His stomach growled and his mouth was watering. He wondered if the effects of the sedative that was forced upon him boosted his appetite. He glanced around Arima's apartment not fully prepared to test his balance, everything was blurry. 

Arima makes it back to his apartment to see Haise on the floor in his kitchen staring at the fridge. Arima glanced at the clock, he had been gone three hours and It was evident Haise was out of it although somewhat Haise turns his head "you don't have food." Arima noticed Haise had lost control of his eye. "Your hungry I see." Haise didn't realize he was salivating. Arima smelled good. "I want a taste."

Arima stiffened "Haise..."

Haise weakly crawled over to him. "I just need..to please."

Arima grimaced he contemplated on taking out his quinque but only to prove a point to put Haise in his place. However Haise was weakened enough already and using another sedative would ruin his ability to function properly by the next day. Chigyou mentioned the sedative would increase Haise's appetite and that he would crave more than just synthetic human flesh. Arima wondered why he didn't remember to bring any samples Haise could live off of. He saw Haise struggle out of hunger, "when was the last time you ate?"

Haise grumbled "It feels like forever." Arima almost felt bad, he knew Haise was most likely dehydrated. "You're going to have to wait, maybe you should get rest. You can eat tomorrow." 

Haise cracked his fingers "no...no...no....Arima....I slept all day...I need to eat." Arima sighed, he wasn't going to let him starve. But he didn't have time to request samples. Haise would have to wait, and there's no way he would do that willingly. Arima had no choice, he pulled one of the syringes out of his pocket. He approached Haise who began to lick his lips. "Good night Haise." Before Haise had a chance to react he was already injected. He looked up at Arima "I don't want to live like this." Arima watched Haise fight the sedative but it did not last long.


	7. Broken burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise confronts a ghoul the outcome was not something Haise was prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short I apologize more to come though I try update as fast as I can.

Chapter 7

Haise woke up to Arima preparing "food" for him. The smell made Haise's stomach grumble. Arima places a plate in front of him "eat." Haise didn't hesitate, he began eating, bite after bite. Arima walks into his bedroom and hands Haise clothes. "Clean yourself up." We are going to the cochlea, Tsukiyama is going to be dismissed. I presume you'd like to be there to witness."  
Haise had not fully recovered from his sedatives "dismissed?" Arima nodded "he has no use to be kept alive." Haise shook his head "no."

"No?"

"Why does he have to die?"

"Gourmet is a ghoul worth killing."

"How is that worth it? Why can't he just-"

Arima cut him off "Live his life out in the cochlea? Like that girl, you have rights over in which I regret giving you those privileges. Do not question your superior Haise."

Haise stood up, faster than he should of because he was now disoriented "Please...please I'll try to get information out of him. Just let me....try."Arima grimaced "it looks like you can hardly compose yourself. You are not even trying to speak to me with respect. How can I expect you to interrogate someone you have underlying affiliation for?"

"I could see him trying to fight for what's left of his life, if I remind him...."

Arima turned toward the door. "I'll be waiting for you in the car. Look presentable."  
Haise hoped this meant that he would get a chance to speak with Tsukiyama. And that maybe he can be manipulative enough to get answers....or make it look like he got answers.

They arrived at the cochlea and Haise became nervous as he approached Tsukiyama's holding cell. Arima stared at him in disgust, and spoke to Haise heinously "you will do your job as an investigator if I even see a hint of empathy from you, I will end the session immediately." Haise nodded and entered the cell. Tsukiyama did not look well, his eyes were emotionless and he had little interest as Haise entered. "Tsukiyama if you value your life, please commit to answering some of my questions." 

Tsukiyama seethed "Do not act like you pity me, do not try to make light of my situation to save you from guilt. You are not any different from any of the revolting rats that have come to me for questioning. Before I depart from this world and reunite with all I've lost, I want you to understand something."

Haise murmured "What is that?"

"You will die NEVER belonging. You will die alone, either by ending up here or being killed by a ghoul. But so help the world when you fall behind no one will be there to pick up your fractured pieces. And if you remember your past, your regrets will eat at you until you wither away. You are your own enemy. You're a burden to yourself."

His words struck like knives and Haise began to tremble. He felt viscously ill. He never thought he would of ran out of the cell as fast he did. Tears were falling, he bumped into Arima. Who appeared content with Haise's disparity. "You ready to go?" Haise lip quivered. Arima took the hint.

After leaving the cochlea, Haise began to have an anxiety attack. 

"I am not okay." He kept repeating. 

Arima rubbed his temples "can you hold yourself together?"

"I don't belong here, I am worthless nothing I do matters."

"That is not true."

"Yes it is true, I don't belong here!"

Arima pulled the car over. Haise began to hyperventilate. Arima became irritable "if you do not calm yourself down Haise, I will have to sedate you."

Haise turned to Arima "fucking do it, then."

Arima grabbed a hold of Haise's hair and began smashing his head into the dashboard of the car. Arima did not care about the blood staining his seats, his apprentice was not behaving and thus would have to pay for it. Haise began to blackout, the last thing he hears Arima say before passing out was "your punishment is nowhere near over."


	8. Change of heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise must face consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long

Chapter 8

Haise finally reached consciousness he recalled everything that happened previous before passing out. He became anxious and began cracking his fingers. Arima approached him, with a towel.

"You have dry blood all over you. Clean it up." Haise caught the towel, stumbled to the bathroom and began washing off his face. Arima came from behind him, and grabbed his arms. Haise shifted his legs, expecting the worst.

"Be still." Haise tried to move but soon realized he had no control. Arima was confident as he bended Haise's appendages until there was an open fracture descending from his forearm. Haise cried out, Arima covered his mouth and Haise made the mistake of sinking his teeth in Arima's Palm. Arima responded by kicking Haise in the back until he felt his ribs crack. Haise peeled over and fell to his side. His body was not prepared to heal, since his dose of RC suppressants prevented him from fully regenerating. It also didn't help since Arima knew that and began to push down on his open fracture.

"Fucking stop!" Haise began to struggle he activated his kagune and attempted to pull Arima off of him. Arima shook his head "Wrong move." Haise was on the floor trying collect himself as Arima went to his kitchen and came back out with a cutting knife, a syringe in his grasp. Haise backed himself in the corner and pleaded "I was defending myself."

Arima grabbed Haise by his neck, uncapped the syringe and injected only a third of the serum into Haise's shoulder. Haise started to feel weak. However his mind was functioning, his thoughts were racing and he cringed as he realized what was happening. He had not been able to retract his kagune. Arima didn't have to restrain Haise much because he was half sedated but not fully asleep. Arima did that on purpose so Haise could witness every slice of his kagune. Haise waited for this torture to end and by the time it did the sedative wore off. Arima stood over him.

"You have disappointed me, I do not know why you are fighting back. Your life is mine. And if you continue to struggle I will take it from you without hesitation."  
Haise seethed "I understand."

After Arima's promised punishment Haise sat in the corner of the living room hugging his knees. He felt exhausted. He hated this. His filter has faltered. With every remark he makes impulsively will only get him into more trouble. He needed to gain Arima's trust back. He had forgotten that expressing his emotions to a certain extent would only end in conflict. Arima sat across the room and pulled out a chair.

"Haise, do you know why I am punishing you?"

"Because I have disrespected you."

"Disrespect is an understatement, you have me in a position where I should kill you. I am not completely sure if it is because you have forgotten your place. But this will not be a recurring situation. If I have to invest any more effort than I already have in you, you will face the consequences. And you will not recover."

Haise wanted his next action to represent his sudden change of heart. Maybe Arima will take interest if he is submissive. All Haise was mentally and physically prepared to deal with was orders. Haise stood up slowly and shakily made his way toward Arima. Arima lifted his chin up high and parted his lips "Hold yourself up Haise's."  
Haise hesitated choosing his next move carefully as he approached Arima. Arima stood tall over Haise. Haise wrapped his trembling arms around Arima arched his back and went stiff. He was sickened. Haise started to cry. 

Submit...behave...please...give in.

Arima, patted Haise's head coldly. "That's enough. It's time we begin our day." Haise released Arima. "I'm going to shower, I don't feel comfortable with all of this blood on me." Arima nodded "my apartment is in the same state."


	9. Resilient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arima is out of town Haise is yet to know why, since he wasn't informed. Akira and Ui are acknowledging Haise's presence in a nicer matter.

Chapter 9

Arima cautiously watched Haise as he entered the bathroom. He sighed then began cleaning. If there were to be any more confrontation with Haise, Arima would end it. This was beginning to infuriate him, and that simply wasn't an option. 

 

Haise followed Arima around for the past couple weeks. He found that being by Arima's side had really changed his outlook. Arima was always working,he hardly gave time to himself. After going through a few missions, the quinx paid no attention to them. Akira kept them busy, and Arima kept Haise busy. 

After returning to Arima's apartment after a long day, Haise was prepared to face his usual cordial moments with Arima before being sedated. His days dragged by, and he would sleep at the end of each day whether or not he wanted too. 

"I recognize your progress Haise."

"Thank you, Arima-San."

"I have some work to do out of town. I would like to trust that you are capable of watching my apartment."

"I am. Does this mean I can leave when I please?"

Arima mused "If you are summoned to work, you can go." 

Haise nodded "I won't let you down."

Arima had left that night leaving Haise alone. Haise hadn't remembered the last time he was in the company of only himself. Haise laid down on the couch place his arm across his forehead. He wondered how he would spend the next few days, he certainly had no intention of sedating himself. 

Haise remembered the one thing he had wanted since his privileges were taken away. And that was to see her. He sat up and contemplated if tonight was the night, but he recognized that may be sketchy. He decided to wait until tomorrow.

The next morning he was summoned to meet with Ui Koori. He hadn't spoken with him one on one in quite a while. He wondered what this would entail. As he approached Ui, he observed him deep in his work. Haise took an empty seat crossed his legs and waited patiently for Ui to acknowledge him. 

Finally Ui spoke "you've been under Arima's supervision, I hope you have learned to respect his orders."

"Of course, I have been appropriate and I am taking this seriously I have no plans to disappoint him." He itched his chin without realizing it.

"I would like to take your word for it Haise but you have become a nuisance."

Haise frowned "I am not trying to make anyone question my loyalty."

Ui raised a brow and pulled a cigarette out of his pack. He lit it up and took a puff. Haise scrunched his nose. He hadn't realized Akira was entering the room. Akira mused "What is he doing here?" Haise tensed up. Ui titled his head "Did you already forget Arima is out for the next few days?" Akira rolled her eyes "Right...who is keeping an eye on him?" Haise glanced at Ui. "We don't have any strict orders involving his freedom, Arima is trusting that Haise will take this into consideration that Arima doesn't usually award the punished."

"This is probably going to be something he will regret." Akira glared at Haise.

"Akira San, I have not seen you in a while how is my team?"

"They have been well, under my supervision."

Haise shifted uncomfortably "Are you agitated with me?"

Ui chucked "You can't read people well at all."

Akira sighed, she thought it was time. She couldn't lose faith in him just yet. From Arima's reports Haise had changed his previous behavior. She saw the respect, submissive, repressed version of Haise, the one she cared for. His absence didn't please the Quinx, they needed their mentor. "I am not agitated Haise, I have seen your determination and your gratitude. I hope you continue your resilience."

Haise smiled, her change in attitude had an impact on him. Having her constructive critics had never bothered him but lately she was distant, unconcerned, and cold. 

"Going back to work now." She left not revealing what she intended to talk about in the first place. Ui would have to wait once Haise wasn't present. He is already fragile, and could break at any moment.There were news of a ghoul in the cochlea, the one Haise had rights over her escape will be her demise. Arima was capable of taking down the simplest of tasks. But the reprecaution would be the difficult part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was difficult since I am impatient and like to get all the plot points out of my head at one time meanwhile compromising how I am writing the characters


	10. When the daylight comes I'll have to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise gets to enjoy his freedom with the one person he wanted to share it with.

Chapter 10 

Haise watched the sun set before entering RE. He hoped only Touka would be present, since he managed to scrape enough change to bring her roses in apologies for not seeing her in so long. Touka was cleaning up and closing once again. She pulled a stran of hair from her cheek behind her ear. Haise’s heart began to race...she was so elegant he thought. Haise knocked on the door and Touka invited him in.

“It's been a while.” She spoke lightly then eyed the bright red roses Haise was holding. Haise handed them to her and smiled “These are for you.” Touka plucked one of the roses from the bouquet and sniffed one. Haise narrowed his eyes to the sound coming from behind the counter. Nishiki stood up “Oh you've got to be kidding me.” Haise stared at Serpent his mind dulled. Nishiki took out three wine glasses and poured a bottle of Merlot into each glass. “Why don't we have a drink?” Haise wondered if it was blood wine, but from the smell of alcohol he realized that was not the case. Touka picked up a glass and handed Haise one. “I haven't had the urge to drink in quite a while but I suppose I'll be needing it tonight.” She gulped the wine down and waited for Haise to do the same. Nishiki glanced at Haise who took a small sip.

“Not much of a drinker are you?” Haise shrugged “I haven't had the opportunity.” Touka snickered and set the roses down. “Look at these.” Nishiki smirked “Looks like something Tsukiyama would bring.” Haise faltered he then snatched the bottle and chugged it down to complete emptiness. He twitched his nose, it tasted awful. He wondered when he would start to feel the effect. Nishiki grabbed another bottle and opened it. Touka handed him the glass for a refill. The three of them drank. Nishiki laughed “This is interesting, sitting here with you two. How have you been Kaneki? You enjoy the life of a dove?”

Touka glanced at Haise whose cheeks were flushed. “He seems to be a little out of it to be answering questions Nishiki.” Nishiki nodded, then grabbed his coat, “I'm heading out make you sure you close everything up.” Touka nodded then sat on a bar chair. She crossed her legs and folded her hands. Haise hadn't had the chance to speak, his mind was pulling him into so many directions and he just found himself staring at Touka dreamily. Touka sighed “What are you trying to accomplish Haise?” Haise stared at his shoes then up at Touka. “I just like seeing you, I am taking advantage of the freedom I have right now. I don't want to waste it.”

Touka glanced at the clock it was almost 1 am and time for RE to close. 

Haise muttered “Do you have somewhere to be?” 

Touka shook her head “Not entirely.” 

She couldn't tell if it was because she was drunk but part of her wanted to be in his arms. Kaneki the boy who changed so many times but still remains the same innocent, naive, half ghoul. Who was known to be the king of fakes in the hands of a very sadistic dove. She wondered all of the pain he has suffered to be Haise. 

Haise titled his head his buzz began to take over. “Your so beautiful. I must've been really lucky to have known you.”

Touka frowned “Do you have a place to stay?”

Haise realized the night of freedom was going to end, and he had to be back at Arima's. However he didn't want to go alone, he wanted her to go with him. Just for one night, just to feel like he could make choices. 

“Would you mind coming with me Touka chan?”

“I will not go into a doves territory.”

“Only for tonight...please?”

Touka understood that Haise wasn't thinking clearly. He doesn't realize that what he was asking sounded intimate. The thought made her feel uneasy but at the same time welcoming. 

“I'll be leaving in the morning.”

Haise stumbled to the door of Arima’s apartment flipping through his keys. Touka stood next to him impatiently. “If this is your place how come you're having a hard time finding the right key?” Haise stared at her puzzled “I think this is the right one.” He unlocked the door, grabbed her hand as they entered. Touka shuddered at the overwhelming aroma of the apartment.

Haise unbuttoned his shirt. Touka raised her eyebrow “What are you doing?” Haise mumbled “It's really hot in here.” Haise’s face was beyond flushed. His movements were jagged. He stood with his shirt unbuttoned and led Touka into his old bedroom. Touka held onto his hand hoping Haise was aware of what he was doing. He sat on the bed and Touka joined him. She watched him run his frail fingers through his now disheveled hair. 

“I am sorry for everything. I've ruined lives of the people who once trusted me. Do you trust me? Not Kaneki but me?” He pointed to his bare chest. “I don't know what I am doing half the time. I'm confused and I'm scared I don't want to hurt anyone.”

Touka murmured “You are who you want to be.”

Haise shook his head “I don't know who I am supposed to be.”

Touka cupped Haise’s cheek. He felt so warm, and inviting. She pressed her lips lightly over his. Haise kissed her back, this was the first time he remembered being this close to someone. She felt soft, soothing, and sensual. He wanted to continue, he didn't know how long it would last but for the moment he wanted to be as close as he could. 

Touka pulled away, she gazed into Haise’s wide grey eyes full of curiosity. She smirked and slowly got on top of him. Haise’s heart fluttered as he fell onto the bed. Touka pulled off Haise’s shirt and began to kiss him. He tasted like the wine, his scent was slightly arousing. Haise gently began unbuttoning Touka’s blouse. Touka giggled “Do you know what you're doing?” Haise nodded and nuzzled his lips onto her neck then in between her breasts. He wrapped his hands around her bra and unsnapped it. She felt his warm breath on her chest. She traced her fingertips across Haise’s torso and slowly pulled down his zipper. Haise tensed up. This was really happening, he was annoyed that his drunken stupor took away from the reality of it all.

He watched her unclothe him, and he began to pull off her skirt, before he went further he whispered “Are you comfortable?” He wondered if she felt that Kaneki was who she wanted. Even though this was not the time to feel self conscious. Touka clasped her hand into Haise’s palm. She inched forward leaning in between Haise’s legs. Haise bit his lip. He feels her move onto him. Touka flinches and Haise sinks into her. Their movements continue until they're both breathless. 

Touka lays on his chest and closes her eyes “Are you going to disappear again?”  
Haise lifts up her chin and kisses her gently “I'll do all that I can to see you.”

Haise knew he wasn't free, and he never would be. His life consisted of orders. But with Touka it was different. She gave him a sense of belonging.

Daylight came too soon. Waking up with her in his arms was only temporary. He wanted her to stay with him. But that sudden feeling of tenderness all ended when Arima’s footsteps approached the door to Haise's room. 

“Shit”

 

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not write smut but this Haise X Touka moment was intentional for purposes...
> 
> I cannot explain how the next chapter will go but I'm sure you guys have some ideas (you can throw out there) but there is a reason why these two got to enjoy each other
> 
> Arima has yet to realize when owning a pet there are some responsibilities that must be taken care of in advance Haise is obviously not nuetered...............................


	11. The master and his pet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise is going under the knife for punishment but this surgery is invasive and will scar him for life. Lessons must be learned for Arima's pet.

Chapter 11

Haise sprung up waking Touka in the process. Touka hissed “What was that noise?” Haise panicked he pointed to the window. “I know your going to be mad at me but-” Touka stood up the blanket fell off of her revealing her naked body. Haise chewed his bottom lip then suddenly snapped out of his stupor. He turns grabs his CCG’s investigators coat then handed it to her. He kisses her neck and whispered “run.” Touka glared at him for a moment and put on the coat. “Idiot.” She rolled her eyes retracted her kagune and flew out the window. 

Haise hears the never ending knock and opens the door. Arima stood in front of him. Haise never saw Arima confused, but soon after it was obvious Arima knew. Haise forgot to put his clothes on and certainly didn't try to hide Touka’s undergarments or her uniform. 

Arima stared at the open window then back at Haise who was now searching for something he could wear to cover himself. Haise scooted Touka's clothes under his bed and waited for Arima’s next move. 

“You really don't understand boundaries do you!” Arimas voice was raised to a level of complete rage. 

Haise flinched “it's not what it looks like.” 

Arima ordered “Do not lie to me.”

Haise scratched the back of his neck nervously. 

“I can easily find out who that girl was. And by the looks of your uneasiness she was a ghoul. If you think I will let this slide you must have me confused for someone else. You are my weapon, your only purpose is to fight! You would be dead otherwise Haise. I don't know what gave you the idea that you're allowed to experience pleasure, or have any relationships that are not your fucking superiors.You should not have been so stupid. You will regret this.”

Arima slammed Haise into his bed, held him down. Haise knew not to struggle as he expected Arima had his sedative ready an uncapped the syringe. What surprised Haise was when the needle went right through his eye. He squirmed and began convulsing. Arima steadied Haise’s shaking body until he became unconscious. 

Arima had hoped Haise would've respected his commands. But that was too much to ask an adolescent half ghoul whose curiosity and negligence controlled his actions. He should've given Haise more discipline. Trying a different method would have to work. Haise needs reminded that he is not free to make choices. He is not free to feel, to love or enjoy luxuries of the world. Haise has recklessly become too comfortable with adapting a life of normality. Arima must properly force Haise to submit his well being and take away all that he has left. Removing his kagune wasn't enough. Haise will pay for his actions. 

Arima's dog wasn't for breeding he was meant for fighting.The rabbit was enough to prove what Haise’s motives were. For them to not be in Arima's favor would involve punishment that only an intact dog would receive. 

Arima made sure that only the scientists in the laboratory division would know about Haise’s surgery. Dr. Chigyou mentioned that due to Haise’s regeneration abilities Haise would recover sooner rather than later. But that wasn't the issue. Arima wanted Haise to be unwound to an extent that not only physically he would suffer but the mental anguish from being awake during the procedure would be enough to prove his point. 

Dr. Chigyou understood the process of unwinding a ghouls reproductive vascular components. He had researched many subjects that were intact male and female ghouls. He personally didn't find much of a difference with humans other than the fact a hysterectomy would later heal and regenerate along with a vasectomy. But all of the subjects were heavily sedated. What was interesting about Arima’s request was that Haise was to be awake during a compete gonadectomy otherwise known as castration. This procedure was going to be invasive and quite memorable for the staff.

 

Arima overheard Dr. Chigyou discuss the surgery with his subordinates.

“The only issue I can foresee is if he is not sedated by any means how do you suppose he stays lucid?” 

“What do you mean?” Spoke one of the nurses. 

Dr. Chigyou pondered “Haise is strong enough to break through any restraints when awake. I wonder if we can use a paralytic drug that would render Haise’s limbs useless.”

“We can test it out.” 

Arima stood behind the glass of the lab divisions surgical room. Chigyou approaches him “We are ready to begin. He is just now waking up. Would you like to speak with him before we start?” Arima nods “If Haise struggles, do not sedate him until necessary.”

Haise slowly opens his eyes. His vision dulls for a moment then clears. He then realizes where he is. He glances at the team of scientists standing over him. He wonders why he is awake. Usually during experiments with Chigyou he often uses sedatives for his subjects. Haise tried to move, but to his dismay that was not a possibility. His body was in a state of paralysis. He felt helpless. He could feel his body twitch from the cold surface of the surgical table he was strapped to. Arima was punishing Haise again, only Haise wasn't expecting what this punishment consisted of. 

Haise began to feel increasingly self conscious his whole body was exposed to the team of scientist he was given no towel to cover himself up. He began to feel uneasy. He always had some form of privacy during these experiments but this time he didn't get that. He reflected back to before he was sedated. It had felt so long ago. He was with her, then he was nothing. He worried that Arima would try to hurt her if he found out who she was. 

Haise pushed those current thoughts out of his head and began to focus on what was going to happen next. He averted his eyes to Arima who was now headed in his direction. Arima takes his index finger and aggressively lifts up Haise’s chin “You're going to face the consequences for disobeying, disrespecting, and failing to live up to the expectations that have been set up for you. Unwind until there is nothing left to hold onto and maybe this time you'll learn your place.” 

Arima turns around swiftly and exits behind the thin glass to observe. Haise’s eyes widen at the tools being lifted and brought unpleasantly close to his external genital organ. Dr. Chigyou appeared behind the machine monitoring his vitals. “His heart rate increased a sufficient amount.” Haise becomes mortified at the feeling of being stretched. The scalpel one of the nurses were holding begins to slice. 

Haise screeches “Stop, oh god please stop!” His voice cracks the nurse performing the first objective jumps from alarm. Haise stares at her his eyes pleading for mercy. Chigyou shakes his head “Should've taken out his vocal chords.” The nurse hesitates “it's okay continue.” Haise tries to move yet his body remains frozen. “Please, this is not right! This….can't...it's inhumane!” he could feel every rip, tear, pulling sensation reverberating through him. “Calm down we haven't fully removed-” 

One of the scientists noticed Haise’s heart rate fluctuate “He’s beginning to show signs of tachycardia and the EKG is showing ventricular fibrillation. This is not an optimal situation. If his heart stops we are not prepared resuscitate. Due to the suppressants he cannot compensate.”

Dr. Chigyou shrugs “He just needs to calm down.” Haise quivers “no...more.” Arima shifts behind the glass and stares at the monitor. He enters the surgical room and stands beside Haise. He glances at the nurse who slowly removed one of Haise’s spermatic ducts. Haise’s whole body shook. His mind was cloudy. All he wanted was to be covered, he had been stripped of what was left of his dignity and it didn't help that Arima’s eyes widened at the procedure as he continued to feel something sever. Arima pulls up a chair. He thought his presence would remind Haise why this was happening. “Haise this is what will break you. I am doing this for your own good.” Haise tried to collect his thoughts. “Arima...it hurts, it REALLY hurts...is it almost done?” Arima shakes his head “No it's not-” Haise shutters from another rip. He regrets shifting his eyes to the direction the nurses were focusing on. His stomach turns. He shrieks, his voice bellows and cracks. He begins to hyperventilate “No…..no…..no….no.” Chigyou rolls his eyes “Can you maintain yourself? Don't want you distracting my staff now.” 

Arima clears his throat “submit a small dose of a sedative.” Chigyou signals one of the nurses to sedate Haise. His heart rate stabilizes. Haise begins to whimper. The sedative just blurred his vision, he didn't feel any less anxious. One of the nurses sighs “He is not well, can I administer a hypnotic drug? To at least calm him down?” Chigyou glances at Arima for confirmation. 

“What is left?” 

Chigyou points to a tray of scalpels, scissors, and sutures.

“What we are doing involves removing the prostate, urethra, penis, bulbus glandis and the rest of his testicular blood vessels. Continuing without a proper sedative can induce shock and from the way his heart is reacting possible cardiac arrest.” Haise struggles to speak “What….?”

Arima shakes his head “You are removing everything? I don't believe that is necessary.”

Chigyou frowns “But we have come this far I do believe it would be an interesting experiment defiantly adequate for my research.”

Arima rubs his temples, this was stressful. “Continue use the hypnotic drug.”

Haise whines “Arima...don't let them do this to me.” Haise feels a prick in his forearm. The effect slows downs his thoughts and releases inebriation. The procedure continues without any reactions from Haise. He feels like he is floating, although anxious he is induced with hysteria. 

Snip, cut, pull. 

Chigyou raises his eyebrow and focuses on Haise “How are you feeling?” Haise becomes puzzled and turns his head groggily toward Arima. Chigyou snaps his fingers “Over here I am asking you.” Haise mutters “feel...funny.” Chigyou smirks, then glances at Arima who was distracted by a book. “Well we are going to induce an erection to remove your penis now.” Haise was too drugged to comprehend what Chigyou said. However Arima slams his book making Haise jump. 

“Alright that's enough now.”

Chigyou shook his head “No it's not Arima, we've come too far. If you wish to leave the room for this be my guest.” 

Arima stands up, glances at Haise for a moment then storms out of the room. A few of Chigyou’s staff exit the room for a break. Inducing Haise’s erection would involve only one of the nurses and Chigyou wanted to be the one to remove it. 

The nurse was known for committing any procedure Chigyou requested. Although this was slightly an unnerving request. “Try talking to him before you begin.” Chigyou ordered with satisfaction.

The nurse removes one of her gloves, and grasps Haise’s limp appendage. She stares at him “You are very handsome for a ghoul…” Haise feels her touch. “Whaaaa….are...doing?” Haise shifts uncomfortably. “Focus on me...I know you feel pain...but I am trying to make you feel good. Let me satisfy you.” Haise began to feel ill. “No...please don't touch that….” Chigyou motioned for her to begin moving him. Haise couldn't resist his nature, the nurse knew what she was doing. The humiliation Haise was experiencing was enough to make him feel suicidal. Once he was erect he flinched at the scissors surrounding him.

Snip, cut, rip.

Haise cried out then soon after became unconscious. 

Waking up after the procedure was finished, had rendered Haise’s mental and physical abilities. He knew how pathetic he looked as he was curled up on the recovery table. Drugs pumping through him, that made him dizzy and nauseous. Arima enters the room. Haise is in a permanent state of agony. 

“I see you are awake. You passed out.”

Haise quivers “I don't feel good.”

Arima begins to talk but Haise sits up and vomits. He becomes dehydrated then hypothermic and his body goes into shock. Arima alerts Chigyou to stabilize Haise’s condition. Recovery was going to take longer than anticipated but Haise should have learned his lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person I know believe me, but angst is just nessicary as the chapter continues


	12. Limitless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> comforting is the last thing Haise sees Arima doing

Arima begins to watch Haise as he remains unconscious. He had not expected the procedure to bring about this type of impact on Haise. Arima had personally seen enough damage done to make Haise numb. Haise had still been curled up in the same spot. His body had not regenerated yet which began to worry Arima. If the RC suppressants had to decrease then there's that possibility that he could lash out. Haise would have to recover but only with time his healing abilities would prevent a prolonged punishment. If Haise doesn't learn from his previous mistakes then there would be no other option but to exterminate him, pushing any more limits beyond what he has handled would be regrettable. Arima became disheveled. Haise was supposed to be his prodigie, yet shaping him had been more difficult than expected. He didn't want all the pain he made Haise suffer go to waste by giving up on him. Haise had potential it was just going to take more effort to conclude that. 

Haise turned over and held his torso. He began to panic when he realized that he was still in this world. He didn't want this anymore. He was ready to sleep and stay that way. Arima would of been better off killing him from the start. This life, this pain, this humiliation was unbearable. Haise knew that he was now nothing but a tool that could be picked apart till useless. That's what he was useless. He couldn't save Tsukiyama. He couldn't keep any promises to Touka. He couldn't be there for his team. He would never make Arima or Akira proud. The only thing to his name was the sweetest, and most gentle girl that he has rights over...Hinami. Haise thought that was the only thing he would have left, the only thing that would give him a purpose to at least be strong enough to keep her alive.   
But being strong would mean to move forward from this...was he able to accomplish that? He wasn't ready yet. To come back from this would take time, hopefully Arima cared enough to give him at least that. 

Haise regained consciousness only to feel weaker, and broken. His body was in no condition to move. He could feel a needle press into his bladder and glanced at a nurse who had just performed a cystocentesis on him. She frowned “You won't be able to urinate on your own for quite a while and we don't want your kidneys to shut down from the toxins being flushed into your system.” Haise murmured “O....wha..day..is..it?” His voice was raspier than what he had thought. His vocal chords were swollen, along with his throat. However that pain subsided when he tried to sit up, then he could feel the emptiness from his torso down. He began to feel nauseous. The nurse called for Chigyou who was followed by Arima. 

“If he continues to throw up then he will never recover properly he is already immunosuppressed and he's anemic from blood loss.”

Chigyou puts on a pair of gloves then unfolds the blanket that was covering Haise. He palpates Haise’s abdomen and Haise whimpers. 

“Well he has not fully regenerated anything yet which does concern me slightly. But he probably won't mentally be able to hold food down. So we are going to have to be patient.” 

Arima spoke lightly “I would like to talk with Haise alone before I leave.”

Haise tilts his head toward Arima's direction. Chigyou and the nurse exit the room leaving them privacy. 

“This was not supposed to be this way, Haise.”

“Worst...possible..shamed, they violated me...you…. let...them-” Haise used what was left his voice to cry he didn't want to say what they did out loud. Reality was harsh enough. Arima knew that. 

“I did not intend for you to be violated that was for Chigyou’s research you are to move on from this. No one but me knows what they did. And I am already pretending it never happened.” 

Haise managed “Pretend?....no...I...won't...forget...my anatomy has been played with before but...never….never...like-” 

Haise’s pulse sped up. Arima did not want to repeat their last encounter. Arima gently grabs Haise’s trembling hands and holds them tight. 

“You are to come out of this with more endurance. You are limitless, you can use what you've learned here not only to respect me and do as I say but use your stamina to be an exceptional investigator.” 

Haise winces “limitless?”

Arima nods then places a book for Haise to read on his lap before leaving he says softly “I will be here once you're fully recovered. I have matters to take care of. I will make sure they do not harm you or continue to experiment. Rest well, enjoy the book.”

Haise lays his head back on his pillow. The fluorescent lights dim. He closes his eyes and falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not help myself I HAD to add another chapter before I lost it leaving things the way they were felt cruel.


	13. Fostering the Half breed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chigyou takes time to do what he can to Haise before Arima takes away his chance. Haise realizes he is later being transported in the arms of a frail chain smoking sarcastic investigator.

Chapter 13

 

Haise opens his eyes to see Chigyou standing beside him. Chigyou smiles “Hello, Haise. It turns out Arima is leaving you in my care until he gets back from a mission.” 

Haise glares at him, that's all he could do being as tranquil as he was. “I know...he told me.”

“Lucky for you Arima doesn't want me to research you. But that doesn't limit what I can do with your kagune since the CCG is looking for more to make substantial quinques. Arima doesn't have authority over products.”

Haise mutters “Great.” He didn't think his body could handle much more with the state he was in, and he certainly wasn't prepared to let his kagune be removed multiple times. In fact that would probably kill him. But Arima wasn't here to protect him. So jokes on him when he returns ready to use Haise again. Haise become distant and turns his back to Chigyou. 

“Are you under the impression that you are getting out of this?”

“No, you're going to do whatever you want. I wasn't expecting to get a break...not in this hellhole.”

Chigyou lifts up the blanket exposing Haise. Haise curled his torso in ward and willingly allowed Chigyou to inject his back with a kagune release serum. Haise could feel his red tentacles fall limp. He will just rip it out. Rip, cut, pull. Haise waited anxiously to feel that pain. But that didn't quite happen yet.

“You’re kagune has shrunk. I wonder if that was due to the surgery. I'd really, like to see why this is happening. I'll have to do a skin scrape so I can gather what's left of your cellular structure and compare it to a sample of your kagune.”

Haise turns around, watches as Chigyou takes a syringe and plummets it into his hip.

“You will, be numb from the waist down. I am going to use a hypnotic drug again to make you more comfortable. I also like the effect it has on you. You are not cognitive yet you can still respond. Maybe from the sedatives Arima has you on, perhaps your body got used to them.”

“I don't want that...I really don't want that….please.”

“Do you believe I intend to abide by your pleads?”

“I don't want to feel more helpless than I already. You are a fucking monster.”

“Ahh but here I am being paid to treat you as one.” 

Haise gritted his teeth. Chigyou invites his staff in to restrain Haise so they could place a catheter filled with an anti anxiety agent and a mood stabilizer with a mixture of diazepam. The chemicals in the serum has an interesting effect on Haise during the last dose he was compliant. The outcome Chigyou is searching for involves Haise cooperating properly. So his future experiments don't involve putting his subjects to sleep during exciting procedures. 

Haise attempts to squirm but his body was overpowered then manhandled. After he could feel the catheter slide under his skin and the venom of liquid secrete into his cephalic vein then through his entire blood stream he felt content.

His mind was swimming. Chigyou’s persistent nurse was beside him. She was observing. Haise couldn't tell if she enjoyed her position as a cronie but she seemed fit for the job. Haise had felt so light. As if he was floating on a cloud. He didn't know when he became so calm, or why he had suddenly enjoyed the soothing sounds surrounding him. He did know that what was happening was not comfortable in anyway but he didn't want to admit he felt at ease. He laughed at a question one of Chigyou's staff had asked. Even though he didn't actually listen to the question or what it entailed but it was somehow funny to him. 

Chigyou glances at him “Do you know what we are doing Haise?” Chigyou began to think they may have overdosed Haise with the way he was responding. Haise snickers as one of the nurses lifts him up and places him latterly. Haise’s cheek presses against the pillow. He tries to see what the scientists were doing to him. But he became easily distracted by the book he never got the chance to read as it fell off the bed. 

Haise turns his head but was the held down by one of the nurses. “Stay laying where you are.”  
Haise groans “You aren't including me. You're all ignoring me I don't like it. Hello.” Chigyou motions for everyone to continue taking samples from Haise’s kagune. They weren't quite ready for the skin scrape. Haise stares blankly no one was responding to him. He just wanted to talk, he wanted to make jokes, because he felt delirious. Chigyou stands next to Haise observing him. He decided it would be interesting to entertain Haise.

“We are including you Haise, your a great research subject. You are very important to my work.”

“I am?” He giggles to himself. 

Chigyou nods “How do you feel?” 

“High...drunk or something…” Haise recalled when had actually been drunk, it wasn't the same as this but sortve similar.

“You may be feeling that way due to the dose we gave you.”

Haise lifts up his arm that had the catheter in. “Oh okay I thought we just drank, all of us just having a good time….with a glass of wine-” Chigyou's staff shared uncomfortable glances.  
Chigyou sighs “We don't have time to drink.” Haise frowns “I know.” 

“What thoughts are you experiencing.” 

“I'm thinking about her...she was nice to me.”

“Who is her Haise?” Chigyou had hoped he didn't mean the nurse that thought made them all feel collectively unnerved.

“I can't talk about it, she just made me happy.”

“Ok Haise. We are ready to do a skin scrape. We are going to lay you down on your back. I am afraid you are going to feel a sufficient amount of pain since you have not fully recovered below your torso and the numbing has already worn off.”

As Haise was lifted up, he mused “Can you distract me?”

Chigyou grabs a dermatological tool used for a cytology for Haise’s vacant genital organs. The blade begins to scrape Haise's slowly growing tissues. 

The nurse lifts up Haise’s chin. “Look at me, what are you looking forward too when you leave our division?” Haise winces “I can feel it, I feel what you are doing, this hurts...stop, just for a moment please give me time to breath.”

“Steady now. We are almost done hold in there.”

Haise begins to take agonal breaths. His heart rate starts to lower. “He is dysmistic. Perhaps you should give him time.”

Chigyou stares at the monitor. “I have to go deep in the follicle. If I have to do it again I will. Talk to him.” 

Haise pleads “Fuck okay, I can do this...been through worse right? RIGHT?”

The nurse offers Haise her hand “hold my hand, okay he has to go in deeper. Squeeze it and focus on me.” Haise averts his eyes to the ceiling. If he were to hold her hand he would certainly break it. He didn't want to hurt her, he thought for a moment. How ironic, she had caused him plenty amount of unbearable pain. But he wasn't them. “I will break it.” He begins to feel nauseas. 

She places her hand and uncurls his fingers. “It's okay, just hold it. I am here to make you feel better.” 

Scrape, his tissues are being slowly removed. He won't squeeze her hand. He lightly cracks her fingers. She stares at him confused. Chigyou muses “don't let him hurt you.” The nurses smiles wearily “he isn't.” Chigyou goes in deeper. Haise moans “I can feel this, every part of me feels this please stop...fucking stop!” 

Haise gathers the energy to sit up and regrets what his vision reflects. Blood, adipose tissue, muscle, bone, all where his reproductive organs were supposed to be. He was vacant. 

“Restrain him!”

Guards who were obviously stronger than the group of scientists charge into the room and grabs Haise's shoulders and easily flattens his body. Haise disoriented begins whispering and muttering numbers. Chigyou concluded the effect of the drugs began to wear off. 

The samples were taken without Haise’s consent just like all the other procedures. He curls back up once they leave him in the room. He shakes violently until he falls asleep. 

Chigyou is approached by Ui Koori who was smoking in his lab. “Where is he at? You've had your fun. But he will be staying with me. As a request from Arima.”

Chigyou rolled his eyes “We just finished gathering samples. Don't smoke in my lab.”

Ui hits his cigarette “show me his room.” Ui had been used to seeing Chigyou’s after effect on his work. But Haise was curled into a position of distress and helplessness. Ui was disturbed by how slow he was breathing and how pathetic he looked. He glanced at the book on the floor that was most likely a gift from Arima. 

Ui waited impatiently for Haise to waken. But from the looks of it Haise has yet to recover. Ui thought how much of a pain caring for Haise would be. Ui was not the parental type. He knew Arima would be disappointed if he left him there though. Only until Arima returns, Ui sighed and leaned against the wall. 

The smell of cigarettes was not something Haise could normally tolerate. Distinguishing that scent from blood, antiseptic, sweat, metallic tools, and a mixture of medication; had been the only aroma he would wake too. He would choose the smell of smoke over that any day. Ui was the last person he thought would be here to take him away from the hands of Chigyou. Although disheveled Haise was carried and placed into his care. As to what type of care that would involve was yet to be determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if ANYONE has caught on yet....but I am referencing and relating a lot of my over all aura of these explicit chapters from the book series "unwind" 
> 
> And some med terms from my vet tech classes. In lab 1 this month. Cells are cool, but they are also hard to identify the differences. Like a nucleated nuetrophil to a band neutrophil gah what are animals??


	14. Replacing the Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything begins to unfold. Mutsuki shows his potiental. Ui and Haise spend some time to reflect on the situation.

Chapter 14

His morning began with waking up curled on a loveseat with a thin sheet over his body that was wearing a long white gown and shorts. He was still hooked up to an IV. The angle he was lying at made his back stiff. He sat up and stretched. He had no clue where he was. The apartment was small. It had reeked of smoke. 

“Haise.” His name wasn't spoken directly to him but he heard Ui’s voice in the other room. Ui walks over takes a drag of his cigarette while speaking with someone on his phone. He looks in the direction Haise was laying and said “Shit. I'll call you back.” He hangs up the phone. 

Haise had finally adapted to the weakness and shakiness of his atrophy, disoriented, lameness and unresponsive body. He accepted he would be in this state for a while. He had felt empty from the waist down which had bothered him but he would have to move forward. If he truly was limitless.

What troubled him was the fact that Ui is now in charge. And Arima told Haise no one knew what happened...what they did to him. He began to feel ashamed. He curls up and faces Ui he was observing him in awkwardly fashion. 

“I told you not to fuck with Arima’s orders. I mean come on Haise…” 

Haise shrunk into the couch and glared at Ui. He huffed “I know you are not in a good condition and Arima knew he couldn't leave you at the division for too long. Considering your behavior you are probably not prepared to discuss anything pertaining to your duties.”

Haise inhales “Who all knows?” 

Ui takes a drag of his ciggerete “Me and Akira.”

“Great.”

Ui pauses “I know this must be hard for you. But you have to let me know when you begin to regenerate. I do not wish to take away what's left of your privacy but you are to inform me as you heal.” 

Haise nods “Okay…”

 

Mutsuki did not know exactly why Arima wanted him to tag along on this particular mission. All he knew was that it was supposed to be a learning experience since there was a ghoul that assisted an escape of another ghoul from the cochlea. It just bothered him since he was the only one out of the squad who knew about it. He felt privileged and trusted to be working alongside Arima. Although he never thought it would be by himself.

Mutsuki followed Arima to the 11th ward in search of these two ghouls. Both known for working with the aogiri tree. How "Yotsume" escaped was beyond his knowledge. Arima had been busy dealing with Haise which concluded his mission on doing so by himself. It struck odd to Mutsuki. Was Haise okay? Was he even alive? It's been so long since he saw him and the thought made him uneasy. 

Arima gripped his quinque and motioned for Mutsuki to keep up. Arima had managed to track down black rabbit and he was severely wounded. The ghoul who escaped was injured but began to heal and guarded the other. Their names were mentioned in their files. 

Ayato Kirishima and Hinami Fueguchi. As they lay there struggling Arima pierces his quinque into the boys kagune tearing it off with a swift pool. Mutsuki flinched at hearing the noise. 

Ayato sprung up and pulled Hinami closer to him. Mutsuki almost felt bad, but knew Akira would disapprove of those thoughts. Ghouls are monsters. Haise never taught them that, he only insisted that they were different. They didn't feel pain like humans....ghouls caused the pain, caused the grief. And it was Mutsuki's job as an investigator to end their lives to protect what matters. Humans.

Arima approached the two. Mutsuki followed and shortly pulled out a tranquilizer gun. He shot them both. The effects hit them and they both slowly fell in an unconscious state. Arima gripped his quinque. Mutsuki felt a sense of guilt. Black Rabbit had put his arm around Yotsume, he pulled her close to him as they faded into darkness. 

Arima turns to Mutsuki “Take out your quinque and kill them both.” Mutsuki's eyes widened “I...don't know if I can.” Arima orders “You will.” Mutsuki takes out his quinque and hesitates. He slowly walks over to them. He whispers “rest together.” 

After the mission ended Arima drops off Mutsuki at the chateau. “I am proud of your decision. You have done well.” Mutsuki nods and held back his tears. He hoped that Arima didn't notice how torn he felt. Those ghouls didn't deserve to die at the hands of him. Arima should of done it. “Th-thank you Arima San.” Arima nods Mutuski leaves his car, he goes straight to his room straying away from the other Q’s.

Arima goes to his office, he takes the files of black rabbit and Yotsume. He stamps “terminated”.  
Akira knocks on the door, then enter his office. “How did it go?” Arima narrowed his eyes to the files. “He needs to focus on the first priority eliminate. He hesitates, but there are a lot of traits that I see him in that are useful.” Akira sighs “Do you see him as Haise’s future replacement?” Arima rubs his temples “He reminds me of him. Haise is staying with Ui. I am giving him sometime to recover before I inform him of his dismissal.” 

“How do you plan on putting him down? And why are you giving him to recover before doing so?” Arima shifts his glasses “I think he would like a proper farewell with his team, he deserves that much. As for his execution I believe I will be doing that myself.” Akira frowned “I certainly hope he doesn't struggle. Make it fast.” Arima nods “it will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh well everything begins to play out and it's only in the favor of the CCG
> 
> Rest for the lost....Haise is not far too long.


	15. Rest Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise learns that he belonged in the arms of death.

Chapter 15

Two weeks...it was two weeks before Haise had fully regenerated. Ui had taken Haise out to pick out a suit for a dinner with the Q’s. Haise had been looking forward to it since he heard he could see them again. He hoped they didn't change too much. 

Ui took out his wallet and handed Haise money “Get something nice.” Haise nodded and entered the shop. He found a grey vest with matching pants. He thought that would be suitable. After picking it out, Ui glances at Haise whose expression revealed excitement. Ui opened his pack of smokes and took out two cigarettes. Haise titled his head in confusion. Ui lit his and handed Haise one. 

“There are probably a lot of things you haven't done before. Let this be one.” Haise picks it up and stares at it. Ui sighed “put it in your mouth and I'll light it for you.” Haise hesitated but took the order. He places it between his lips. Ui lights it Haise inhales and coughs shortly after. “What do you like about these so much?” Haise begins to smoke more smoothly. He finishes his before Ui’s. “Why are you being so nice to me?” Ui glances at the cigarette Haise was holding it still. It was burning his fingertips. Ui plucks it from his fingers and puts it out with his shoe. He takes another drag “I guess I feel bad for you.” Ui realized he had said the wrong thing. Haise frowns “You don't have to pity me. I am doing a lot better now.” Haise danced around expressing his excitement. Ui grimaced this was the last time Haise would see the city. But his actions had gone too far. Haise would have to be put down Ui convinced himself this was for the better. 

Mutuski adjusted his tie he became very nervous to see Haise. He hadn't noticed how the other Q’s were so calm. Why was Mutsuki the one to know the fate of his former mentor. No one else was bothered by his presence. Mutsuki gulped his drink down and sat farthest away from Haise. Everyone payed him the attention he deserved.

Haise was astonished with how everyone greeted him minus Mutsuki who was oddly distant. Arima watched cautiously as Haise scooted his chair toward Mutsuki. Haise pats him on the shoulder. “How have you been?” Mutsuki cleared his throat “I've missed you Sasan.” Mutsuki wipes a tear from his eye. He couldn't control his emotions. He excused himself and exited the room. 

After the dinner was over. The Q’s wished Haise a good night, since he was leaving with Arima. Haise sat upfront and rolled down the window he put his head out as the wind blew his hair back. He hadn't expected to see his family so soon, and the thought of being there for them again it gave him his purpose. Haise turned to Arima who had remained quiet. He wondered if Haise would have to continue the sedatives. Haise shifted uncomfortably before muttering “I apologize if I did anything wrong at dinner.” Arima pursed his lips “You've done nothing wrong Haise. You should enjoy the ride back.” Arima hadn't expected for Haise’s last day to go by so fast. He contemplated on how he was going to end Haise’s life. Haise was dealt the wrong cards fate intended for him to suffer. But that wasn't Arima’s fault, he could end it all, and that was the plan.

They entered his apartment and Haise went to his old bedroom. It was empty. Haise panicked where would he sleep? Where were his precious books? Where was any proof that the only girl in the world he'd longed for stayed with him for his one night of freedom? Haise trembled at the realization that there were no evidence of him ever being there. Haise backs up and bumps into Arima. Arima holds his arms firmly not allowing Haise to move. Haise stares at him, his eyes tear up, his heart starts to race. 

After everything he had done….after everything he went through….It wasn't enough. Arima should've killed him when they first encountered! This was not fair….Haise thought maybe he should fight him. He didn't want to die helplessly. He should at least go out with style. 

Haise's saddened eyes turned to resentment he then retracted his kagune. Before his next move Arima restrained him and soon after injected Haise with the usual sedative. Haise’s mind was swimming and he tried to stay conscious. He wept “No….no...no...you won't even….let me fight….please...don't...fucking Kishou….let me fight…” Arima gently picks up Haise and lays him on the couch. Haise fights the sedative, he struggles to keep his eyes open. The dosage of the sedative must of been the highest. Arima grimaced “Haise stop crying control yourself. This is not what I wanted to do. But you were a good experiment. Mutsuki will have to work.”

Haise turned his head groggily his eyes widened as Arima pulled out his quinque. Haise slurred “Arima...were you ever proud of me?” Arima glances at Haise his eyes remain expressionless. “You were good….Haise.” Haise quivers “can you wait till I fall asleep?” Arima nods “I will.” Haise turns his back toward Arima. The effects of the sedative began to strip him of his consciousness. 

Somewhere in his mind before he rests forever he can hear that voice again “We were always meant to die….anyway.” He laughs at himself. “Let's not wake up this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am happy to finish this....I apologize if it's not what you all expected but here's the final chapter. Enjoy.


	16. Alternate ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative ending, based off of the newer chapters with a slightly different spin.

Alternate end |15|

Arima read the list of those fallen in battle in the Quinx’s latest mission. Shirazu’s name on this list had not been expected; really inadequate timing.

Arima needed to speak with Mutsuki to see his status in the matter. Mutsuki approached Arima his head down staring at his shoes. He doesn't meet Arima's eyes “I am not going to replace anyone, I am going to be there for whose left of our broken team. I hope to focus on healing from this experience. At least long enough to make it through-”

Arima interrupted “I am disappointed in you. I don't want anyone of you, questioning our methods. You will learn to cope. This is your purpose after all.”

Akira held Saiko “It's going to be get better, I've lost many people in life. I promise you all will get through this.” 

Urie isolated himself from the others, especially from the higher ups of the CCG. However he turns to Mutuski. 

“They expect us to recover from this….but what about Shizaru, he gets put in the dirt buried and forgotten. He did this for his sister, and he has nothing to show for it. He’s gone Mutsuki, and we have nothing left to remember him by.”

Mutuski bit his lip “We knew what we were doing when we signed up for this.”

Urie “I'm going to get stronger, I won't end up like him.”

Mutsuki placed his hand on his shoulder “There will be no more losses. We won't be like the others, we will protect each other. That's what Shizaru would've wanted right?”

Urie pulled away “He didn't deserve to go out like that…”

They turned to hear Saikos muffled crying and Akiras half assed attempt to comfort her. They would return to the chateau and actually mourn. The CCG didn't know empathy, they knew orders. But the quinx were different. Haise had taught them that.

Haise had finally healed, but he was not prepared for the news of Shirazu, a mission had gone wrong and Haise wasn't there to protect them.

“....”

After spending time with Ui and before entering the chateau Haise mentally prepared himself. Haise held his own. Witnessing the impact of this visit, had not been easy for him. Arima was present for this encounter and observed Haise’s attitude. 

Urie approaches him aggressively “And where the fuck have you been mentor? You come here to grieve but you have no idea what Shizaru went through in his last moments. He was scared...and all he did was call your name, you weren't there to give him his last wish. This wouldn't of happened-”

Mutsuki intervened “Urie I'm sure he would've tried as much as the rest of us.” 

Urie shook his head and grabbed Haise by the collar “Where were you when he called out for you?”

Haise grimaced “Don't blame me for your own weaknesses.”

Saiko was in her room ignoring all of them, she wasn't ready to see Sasan. Arima raised an eyebrow “Haise, don't you have something to tell your team?” 

Haise glances at Urie and Mutsuki his eyes are expressionless his lip curled as if he had an unpleasant taste in his mouth “Due to our loss, Urie you are appointed squad leader. I am not fit to provide any of you the guidance you require.” 

Urie folded his arms, Mutsuki sighed “You haven't given us the guidance in a long time. This won't be any different, although without you we lost an important teammate. You may have not be as phased as us. But we will learn to not ever slip up because of your absence.” 

Haise nodded “I understand. I wish you all the best of luck.” 

He left without saying goodbye to Saiko. He wasn't the same person anymore. That was very obvious. Arima was to blame for that. And now his future was not one to look forward too. 

The quinx lost two people that mattered to them. 

Haise began to reflect on everything he had witnessed while being under Arima’s control. Those who suffered during his absence, and those who suffered when faced with Haise when he was ordered to dispose of them. Everyone he once cared for slowly disappeared into a shattered mess of memories. The faces he would recognize would share the same regret and torment. Haise did not feel the anger resonating through his clenched fists, that was now Kaneki. 

His dark hair hung over his eyes as he grimaced at Arima. The man who took his world away, the one he tried so hard to keep. Arima pulls out the syringe, and Kaneki stood a few feet away. His eyes shook with resentment. His adrenaline increases as he kicks the syringe out of Arima’s hand. He falls to the carpet in Arima's living room. He wasn't phased or surprised. He furrowed his brow and sighed “Welcome back Ken. You won't be staying for long.” 

Kaneki tries to throw punches as fast as he can in a fit of rage he could barely control. Arima perfectly dodging every blow, had infuriated Kaneki. He just wanted to get his hands around Arima’s human breakable neck. How could a human be so terrifying, so fast, so powerful?  
Kaneki’s eyes narrowed as he accepted his defeat, Arima smirked. “Is that all child?” Kaneki gritted his teeth. “You've got your chance, Arima end it.” Arima bent over elegantly picking up the syringe and lifts Kaneki's chin up as he slowly injects the serum into his bloodstream. He cood in his ear. “We've barely begun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requests, judgments, critiques, was enough persuasion to add this alternative chapter.


	17. Rematch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki vs Arima...speculations, contradictory from early chapters, one shot type deal may continue based off of newer chapters

Being at the cochlea again had reminded Kaneki of all the suffering he had faced. Arima constructed this relationship based on the moments they spent together, when Arima wasn't looking through glass on the other side of his cell. It was bittersweet, Arima had been the only one who made that connection, it meant a great deal to Haise. However Kaneki was the one thrown into the cochlea, stolen from his friends, missed out on 3 years of his life inhabiting a new persona, a new family, a new life. But as usual it was only temporary. As everything was except suffering.

Furuta Nimura had collapsed from Hinami’s kagune. Kaneki glances at Furuta, then at Hinami he managed a weak smile. Furuta seemed to have taken a dive in this battle, and Kaneki wasn't going to entertain why. Furuta acts on his own, it was easier for him to play this game whether or not the cards were in his favor. 

Kaneki also wasn't intending on fulfilling Eto’s wish. Hinami was his last job the only thing he could control at this point, the only thing he could save. Death wasn't something Kaneki feared, he didn't want to die without making at least one difference. Hide did, it was Kaneki's turn.

Kaneki and Hinami charge through the cochlea trying to avoid the gas, the guards and any other possible threats that would ruin Kaneki’s goal. Finally the rabbit was in view, and Touka. Kaneki's eyes widened. He hadn't expected her to be here. But she was ready to fight for what mattered to her. Arima had caught his attention last. Kaneki wouldn't let him pass. He jumps between the fight. Touka frowned, and ran to Hinami with Ayato few steps behind. Arima gripped his quinque. Kaneki turns around to tell them to run, Hinami and Touka shake their heads desperately. They didn't want to lose him all over again. But Ayato grabs them both and drags them away. It took some effort but he was successful. Arima didn't move, and Kaneki smiled in relief. 

There they were alone once again. Kaneki glances at Arima’s quinque his eyes begin to water. Arima charges, Kaneki dodges. Kaneki at least had to keep Arima distracted just long enough…

Arima grabs Kaneki's arm and throws him to the ground. Kaneki tried to move but he was pinned. Arima presses his quinque above Kaneki's ribs. Kaneki breathes in, Arima punctures Kaneki's frame. Arima adjusts his glasses and grimaces “Haise.” Kaneki coughs up blood. 

“I'm finished with this life, Haise is gone. I am gone.”

“That's not a choice for you to make.” 

Kaneki wasn't healing from his wound. He didn't last long as he thought. Why was Arima doing this? What was his intentions? Why couldn't he-

“Haise.” 

Kaneki squirmed “I can't doing this anymore.” 

Arima forces his quinque deep into Kaneki's torso. Kaneki gasps for air. Arima rips it out and stands over him. Kaneki struggles to sit up. He collapses and uses his elbows to balance. 

Arima waits, his patience wasn't necessary. “Stand up Haise.” Kaneki glares at him then shakes his head. “I can't Arima San. I am not strong enough. I will never be what you want.” 

Arima lifted up Kaneki's chin, it was obvious Kaneki was quivering at this point. This was so familiar. It was ironic to end like this. Arima whispers “I am not going to spare you.” 

Kaneki looked up at Arima. He didn't want to be spared. Kaneki rises his legs trembling. “You didn't have to spare me from the start. I-I don't know what you expected from me.”

Arima straightens his posture. “You were meant to succeed, I wasn't wrong about that.” 

Kaneki laughed weakly “Yes you were, you were wrong. I am a mistake. Kanou’s mistake...your mistake…” 

“Haise.” Arima spoke with no emotion.

It began to bother Kaneki this would be the last time, he could converse. Arima would be the last person he would see. It wasn't the first time fate led them two alone.

“In a really fucked up way Arima, I saw you as a father...you're the only who would ever be close enough to hold that title.” 

Arima paused and steadied his hand.

Kaneki approached him slowly “But I know you don't see me as a person, but a tool, a distraction, I am such an idiot to expect any type of compassion from you..”

Arima raised his quinque, then pursed his lips “You have misinterpreted your position, I own you. I take responsibility for your actions. You chose to betray the CCG, you didn't follow orders. As your superior, I am entitled to dispose of you. Do you understand?” 

Kaneki dodged a swing from the quinque but was tripped from Arima’s kick. Kaneki collapsed he wiped the blood pouring from his mouth. Arima stood over him. 

“Stand up Haise.” 

Kaneki's eyes widened with tears as he stared into the white glare of Arima’s glasses. 

Kaneki trembled “I can't Arima.” 

Arima frowned “Very well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May continue depending on what is ahead in the newer chapters.  
> Sortve of one shot/may continue   
> All depends
> 
> Sorry for the mess


End file.
